FADED

9/23/2015 3:16AM.

1am in the morning and I can’t fathom to have fun because I miss the miss’s and I don’t know why we escaladed it into a fight again. Faded faded faded thinking about you, in this kind of situation, its hard not to break the rules. How I love you, you will never know? But how much I hate you will feel. I love you, any fool, blind and hater can see it. How you don’t see it and see people as competition for my attention is awful and self punishing. I try everyday to please you but it is like I fuck up every day yet I do everything as to the book. I do 99 things to please you but it only sustains you for an hour and the one thing I do piss you off. I wish it wasn’t as complicated or as hard but I know for sure you r the one and it would be a shame if you can’t live to the billing. We have made it this far and have shocked so many how we could work and our chemistry is beyond belief. I keep trying, day in day out but even push comes to shove. My feet are dangling from the edge and it is just a matter of time before I jump into desperation and it kills me. And it is unfair to my soul that the one sure way I can get to you is thru physical sensation which seems retarded but we only know magic and naked poetry and all the rest are corrupt art. We have been playing it on the peak; we are either too happy or too mad and life never gets to a saturate flat rate where we are just normal. There is nothing normal about us we are a weird romantic mix, a fairy tale of the ages; a fairy tale the gods have been patiently waiting millennia for. Its sense less that the time barrier is always an effective solution because the more we are apart the more senseful it becomes we belong but the more it seems we don’t fit but we do.

Relationships are a mix of complex atrocities that bring both happy and sad times but it’s a big bad world full of twists and turns and people have a way of blinking and missing the moment … the moment that could have changed everything. I know its horrid times but for the record we have more happy times than sad ones and sometimes even love isn’t enough to hold it together but the fact we have each other and we have already seen the worst is enough for us to keep going. The thread is short now and the sisters of fate are nearly snapping the cord on us but we have a lifetime of sweet times ahead of us and I wish you don’t blink. We both know we are each other’s last shot at love and anyone after us will always be a replica of a love that could have been so I can’t leave even when the circumstances become of crippling nature cause my heart chooses you and for some insane reason you can’t see it but even if it takes me the same timeline for you to believe I love you on your death bed then I will use it. Life is short and times are tough so something beautiful as art be left as scraps of an enormous block buster fairy tale that never happened, and sad as it is I can’t just go. You are that drug I need, that symphony note in music that is just a touch on the heart or possibly a fairy tale that I so badly want with you I would out on anything.

I know we come from worlds where we are used to having our ways and so we both are little misses get what I want but I have had my wants denied so many times I am used to it so I never ask for much I just listen cause I do what you want just to make you happy but toes shouldn’t be an object to step on and my toes are bleeding. I wish peace and after this a fight may break out but I am prepared cause a life without you is unbearable I would rather have stupid crazy dark sweet one that an all caring topic less bitch who doesn’t know how I tick. I know you I bet I do than most people around you and you know me probably in a whole huger scale than what was intended and so we are perfect for solving our sad times when exterior motives seem to target a beautiful thing.

You are my goddess my fine thing from a land far unknown. I want you for the rest of my life and I will keep showing you this till time has no more tick tock in it. If its love you want then love you got and I know I fit the build of what you wanted and you are possessive over me and I like it and I am always yours but you have to understand that my heart, might, mind, soul and body is yours to full extent and so I can’t get attached to anyone else but as the world moves you should be aware enough to notice that you are not competing with anyone else so you have to relax and enjoy life instead of worrying if someone will steal me away or one day I will get bored and leave or worse not love you as much but wish to stay away cause its stress but I am here to stay for the long run but I have a life; my time is yours and you are in line to be my number one for now it’s still my mum but the transition is going on as you win her heart and trust. I am here whenever and some things are not deeper meaning statements and so delaying text by 9 min doesn’t mean I am talking to someone better but wherever I am trust me that I am doing fast to come back to my baby.

You are my sexy love, true love, miss independent, my lady, my antique love, my one in a million and being the Katherine to my epic Californication cause I am dark and twisted my heart is tied to one place and I never want to leave. You may think I am equating us to a remake of something but we are original I just see much of us in that series and I know you get why. The happy times are very rare but long and the bad times are pathetically tiresome. I don’t have time to mess around with rifrafs but I am a complicated full package and I know I am already enough for you but there is nothing to be afraid of; you already know how to play my tunes and you know how I tick and you love I how we fight sarcastic quote after sarcastic quote. I love everything about you and there is nothing I want to change… perfect imperfections I say. I am not special either, I am a hard nut never going to crack and I wish to live in the bubble I built for myself so life goes on and I change for you. And I bet at this point you know you would have left a long time ago if u didn’t love me but then you also know I would have gone a long time ago if I didn’t love you and we already tolerate each other and we enjoy each other to the maximum.

We can’t be perfect but we already are to everybody who sees us and wish they had the same thing cause we fit. People who have lived for fifty years didn’t have a flat line happy marriage and I bet they have just loved each through the bad times and worst through the feel good moments and now they growing old reminiscing on their old sweet times yet they still always fight. I don’t want anything from you I just want you to know that my promise will always stick but even without the promise I will always love you and I would practically leave in the middle of a business meeting if you need me. So whether you think if my love is true or whether I still feel the same I will tell you that you know the answer to your own question you just doubt if u really deserve love and you still think this is too good to be true but it is too good an it is true so welcome back to reality cause we have a glue that can never melt.

If I can make you laugh the way I do on and off the mic, why can’t we be together? All the things that weren’t supposed to happen have happened and we still here and whether u want to stay or not will always be up to you and so never expect me to leave because of shitty and huge problems. I can never walk away from this cause I am a sucker for fairy tales and you are my fairy tale ending in a scripted world full of crap. You are the kind of girl a guy meets when he’s too young, damaged, or immature then he messes up because there’s too much living to do and later he will realize she was perfect but those are the guys before me I already know you are perfect that’s why I always hold on like a dog chained to its master I can’t walk away from something I have always wanted. You are highly emotional and intoxicatingly captivating and all the great ones are. So never doubt whether I need you or not or whether I am here against my own will. I know what I am doing. You will always love me and that’s the problem and I will always smirk to this advantage I have the best weapon. You love me and you don’t hide it and I can see you from a mile away as it only grows stronger as everyday you realize you made the best decision and you also doubt whether it’s a dream or something real and it will be like this till I put a ring in on it and if only we were past 6 years now when we would be financially capable to hold a block buster wedding; I would marry you without rethinking my decision. It is possible that longing for something is better than actually having it but I’ve heard that satisfaction is the death of my desire so I am satisfied and I have no desires for anyone. I can’t settle for less.

Nakupenda.