In the words of the ever poetic J cole, “Should this be my last breath I’m blessed cause it was purposeful. Never got to church to worship Lord but please be merciful.
I don’t know if I truly believe in the bible or any religious scripture but I do consider that there must be a man upstairs or atleast some supernatural force responsible for our existence. Patient zero must have been a being of divine making or so I believe. God made me for a purpose I must be here for something so I’m gonna put my soul in this paragraphs. I’m a born sinner was never born to be perfect. I’m a born sinner but I’ll die better than that cause I try to live better than that and if no one ain’t fucking with that I don’t care.
I think about heaven sometimes, can’t wait to go if its real but will I even get in? I ain’t sure cause I’ve been sinning and still trying to atone for them very sins while I still walk this world. Lord I know you listen when I pray so that in time my mama can live that more desirable life. I’m chasing this dream and I’m so sorry it took me so long to find me and now my intuition has me believing there will be better days. Are we wrong for visualising the material thing we never had? Sometimes I question if you can blame me, a young black certified mind. Sometimes they say I’m wrong but I must be a product of your creation made in your likeness. Though my thoughts aren’t always clean I try to keep my deeds just and right.
I know I perceive the world differently and sometimes I don’t know whether to believe in you or lose my faith. I’m I doing it right or have I been wrong all along. The truth hurts and so it’s painful to the whole world that even the few that think they know probably know least. There is no truth and we all live in a world where faith is more denounced than appreciated yet we all want to believe in something for even just a solid minute. I believe I am an anomaly that only u can fully grasp but so does every misguided soul lost within the confides of their own mind.
Sometimes I scrap while sometimes I’m throwing up the peace sign but I think they should know, there’s always two sides to a nigga though. Sometimes I’m feeling high then I’m feeling low. Lord will I die or will I survive let a nigga know. They say they know me but which side did you get to know. Sometimes I’m left distraught cause I see people are all the same so why the fuck I’m still alive oh my dear Lord…what plans do you have for a nigga you should let me know.
Right now I live by a day to day basis. After all the hell I’ve already seen all I do is count my blessings and tread forth. Niggas swear they hard but most just be flowing soft. Useless as it is they believe they real niggas when they just disrespecting women and waste their time on shitty things. Before I sleep I talk to you and you must be mad with me or its karma I’m still confused to who I’ll spend my forever with. When I make mistakes it’s the fastest way to my growth but some of them won’t let me live in peace even when its remorse that I give. Lord tell me how should I stay positive when they never see good in me even though I got hood in me. I hope you’ll one day let me redeem myself so that I can look back and say it was all worth it.
I say my prayers cause this life ain’t fair; a bunch of backstabbing motherfuckers holding positions of trust and don’t even know what to do with them. In a darn age where technology has made the world a global village people are still naïve, misguided and misinformed not realising we need new thieves in positions of power cause the old ones darn serve no one right. I wonder don’t you as a human look around and realise the world around you ain’t right. Lineup an election day but it’s just sheep going for slaughter and soon you take to arms to murder your fellow brother who stood by you when your baby mama got another all for someone who probably just wants to get fatter by the hour with no regard for the voter’s own well being. Don’t you just sit down and wonder where are your grand kids going to get from this; to carry on a legacy that never was?
Praise God because it’s hard to stay spiritual. Please erase my number out of these fake hoes. I saved her number just in case but now its case closed. Lord you made me versatile and well rounded. Every so often I fade deep in my thoughts in search of some lost comfort and get lost in the days and I think don’t give me too much you, don’t let them take control and if it’s one thing you do just don’t let them taint my soul. If you believe in God one thing is for sure, if you ain’t aim too high then you must be aiming too low. May no man alive come through and damage my faction nor question my passion.
The bigger we get the more likely egos collide but sometimes its good when we put our egos aside. I bet they see how I try to maneuver this game, I ain’t stupid. Be wary of any man that chains cause deep down he clings onto the need for power but in reality he is a coward cause ultimately he is scared to die and sometimes so am I but when I’m in tune with the most high I realise the fear only lies in my lack of awareness of the other side. We are all the same so the only one above me is God himself.
I demand real and that’s how it is going to stay. I don’t need no trophy wife nor a perfect bitch. I don’t need scrappy deals or shameless appeals. I’m in it for the real deal and I’m hoping that I get the job done so maybe one day I can hold my little baby girl and say daddy got you. Rest in peace to any nigga who chooses to hate and block someone else’s shine. I know the reason you feel this way. I know just who you want to be so everyday thank the man upstairs that I ain’t you and you ain’t me. Lord will you tell me if I have changed and I swear I won’t tell a soul.
So I believe love exists can you really blame me? Just cause u don’t see air don’t mean it is not a necessity. But oh my dear Lord you know how much I’ve steered my way from seeking what destroys most in that pursuit for happiness. Happiness comes from within and no one’s approval should decide whether you smile tomorrow or laugh the next day. I hope I drink what I preach for a man’s pride is his word and my word is my pillar of life.
Get to know somebody and you really learn a lot about them and so it won’t be long before you start to doubt them, assume so much you tell yourself you better off without them then in time you will find you can t walk without them, can’t talk without them cause you got here together and so you don’t want to leave without them so you walk back and make a scene about them just cause you are a selfish son of a bitch that only acknowledges your own pain but there is only really one thing about them, it’s called love and people will never stop believing in it. But in real sense they just perceive the world differently cause hate cannot exist without love cause you only know true pain once you enjoyed joy. I apologise if I’ve never said this before.
Good Lord, can’t you see me getting down on a hoe? And sometimes I wonder when they read my shit can they feel my hunger? Stealing the show may be a crime unless you do it right? Why hate and get just a little bitter cause someone else’s game might be whack or better. A nigga with a dream (how euphoric), that’s all I am so if it’s about that C.R.E.A.M (Cash Rules Everything Around Me) then I want to be all up in that spot and that’s why I don’t give a fuck about no high end fashion like it’s some desperate cry to impress no one that actually care or maybe its cause I’m still too broke but I also know that maybe I’m just too dope to write about that regular shit or bag that regular bitch.
It may be hard for them but I know you understand the naïve bastard beating on his wife or that ignorant mother who abandoned her child, I know you understand the corrupt leader bribing his way through power or that misguided teenager who quit school because it didn’t fit in. I wouldn’t be damned if you didn’t understand us all even I who sometimes goes consequences-be-damned.
So no one worry about me, it won’t be long before you know about me. My head’s to the sky and I’m on my grind bursting my ass like I don’t give a damn about my own behind. I’m reaching in for the clouds trynna take what is mine. Pour out some liquor for my niggas at the cross roads and may the Lord give guidance to your lost souls but like I said I know deep inside you all know there is more to life than smacking hoes and stacking dough.