I don’t know why

Primary school, she was the apple of my eye,

She was the most beautiful thing on earth,

I loved her teeth the way they sparkled when she smiled,

And she told me she would be my best friend,

I loved her; I tried to tell her,

But I was scared and I don’t know why.

 

High school, we participated in the games events,

We tried all we knew was that we were nowhere winning,

“It’s Okay”, she kept saying to me,

And her eyes glittered like they always did,

I loved her; I tried to tell her,

But I was scared and I don’t know why.

 

College, we had a science project,

Awkwardly enough, our project was ranked second,

She smiled as she always did and jumped up and down,

And I enjoyed seeing her happier than ever before,

I loved her; I tried to tell her,

But I was scared and I don’t know why.

 

Graduation, after picking my certificate,

She ran up to me hugged me and kissed me on the cheek,

“We finally made it”, she said, almost in a whisper,

But she had to go when her parents called her,

I loved her; I tried to tell her,

But I was scared and I don’t know why.

 

Wedding, it was her big day,

“You came!” she exclaimed when she saw me,

And hugged me on the happiest day of her life,

Then she left for her photo session,

Seeing her run away was so glorious,

I loved her; I tried to tell her,

But I was scared and I don’t know why.

 

Funeral, there she lay still,

Definitely dead in the coffin at the altar,

The vicar began to read her eulogy,

And he read many parts of her diaries which read,

“I loved him; I tried to tell him,

But I was scared and I don’t know why?”

I would have loved to hear that while she was alive,

“Me too”, was all I could say as I walked out and cried.

PACT

Pieces of you, pieces of me,

Blood for blood,

Love for love,

Soul for soul,

Remind us of what we should be,

I gasp at the miles that separate,

And my distortion in the human mirror,

Makes me shrink in horror,

But you remained behind,

In a memory of a time,

I guarantee you,

Fate will bring us,

Me and you,

Together,

Forever.

PREFACE

This prose of thoughts,

So vile written in surrealism,

Empty echoes ring in my mind,

Seeking imprisonment in written word,

Like evanescence they disappear,

And the crescendo turns to diminuendo,

I turn to the rising black sun,

And gasp as the light hastily retreats,

My feet rebel and I feel so numb,

This darkness devours everything in its path,

With avarice it sucks at me,

With mesmeric force of an abyss,

The time is up and candles of life,

Go out,

Death be not proud,

Take the whole of me.

An Allure Of Darkness 🙇

I am demented, 

It is not so easily detected, 

I am a monster, 

A hot bundle of bubbly disaster, 

I am a sinner, 

Damn be sure I aint a beginner, 

I hear voices in my head, 

They keep me calm and steady, 

But I never listen, 

They keep me balanced and safe, 

But all I know is pain, hurt, maim and my impure vixens, 

None the less  they understand, 

And together we stand, 

Deep down I have made peace, 

Peace with my demons, 

After all, 

Aren’t they just a darker reflection of me, 

And now I call them brothers, 

Never forgetting to make peace with myself, 

And now I call them brothers, 

As they call me master, 

But do I trust myself, 

Maybe with others but not myself, 

I am cold and dark, 

Yet blunt and bold, 

But if this is to be my last breath, 

Then I am blessed for it was purposeful. 

FOUR YEARS LATER 😧

​It was a long fight, dangerous flight,

Of burning midnight oil, everyday a toil,

Books squashing brain, nonsense advice rain,

Four years later.
Of gawking awe, of groupies of we,

We made friends, to infinity, to worlds ends,

We made enemies, ad infinitum our nemesis,

Four years later.
Of aging ideas, and voluptuous ass,

Eyes roaming, testerone roaring,

Rebellion well in the cards, beauties in ads,

Four years later.
Idiotic stumped ties, with broken ties,

Authority priority, commoner’s ferocity,

Death the only appease, forever not at ease,

Four years later.
Of shitting ideologies, of crafted eulogies,

Three years later, plus a year’s letter,

Will make or break,

Four years later.
Four years my friend, eases to an end,

Scribble that exam, till it turns out maim,

Ticket to beauties, in universities,

Four years later.

The dream…That  was

​I was a most innocent, sagacious gentleman,

Till perverted thoughts and tyrannical behaviour gripped my system,

Evanescence of adolescence they called it,

Mature grip was my statement,

I generally thought I was ladies gift from God,

How I plundered ladies minds, plagued their hearts, swept through their lives,

I was just a hoodlum with creative ideas,

Going for the prize – real classy ladies.
Then I saw a woman who still stupefies me,

In a trancelike mood, ego forgotten,

I contemplated and planned,

Of course! I needed a plan of  action to conquer,

What was then the queen of High school

All I did was by myself, advance my charm, the job was done!

Mine for the taking, her own words those.
It was heaven I tell you, mature romance,

We were perfect, Bonnie and Clyde style,

We enjoyed each other everywhere,

Mentally, physically, romantically.

And I thought of leaving my Don Juan lifestyle,

That was solved in a jiffy,

I still reckon that day is special,

It was a clean breakup, no emotional baggage,

No feelings just that and surprisingly, I did not feel a THING!

Or so I thought till the memories flooded,

But who am I but babamboga, a simple simpleton,

I climaxed once and contrary to critics’ ideas,

I will rule that scene again

IF

​If u can keep ur head when all about you,

Are losing theirs and blaming it on u,

If u can trust yourself when all men doubt u,

But make allowance for their doubting too,

If u can wait and never be tired of waiting,

Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,

And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise. 

If u can dream – and not make dreams your master,

If u can think – and not make thoughts your aim,

If u can meet with triumph and disaster,

And treat those two imposters just the same,

If u can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken,

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for tools,

Or watch the things you give your life to, broken,

And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools.
If u can make one heap of all your winnings,

And risk it all in one turn of pitch and toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginning,

And never breathe a word of your loss,

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew,

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you,

Except the will which says to them, “Hold on!”
If u can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with kings – nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much,

If u can fill the unforgiving minute,

With sixty seconds worth of distance run,

Yours is the earth and everything that’s in it,

If you can do this all and still smile normally with friends,

You are of great will and passion and valued friend of many,

And – which is more – you’ll be  man!