DAMAGE

Sometimes you don’t realise what you’ve done until you’ve seen the damage and I’ve looked at the damage…

Look we got to talk, dang I know but some things I got to get off my chest. Baby come here and sit down, let us talk. I got a lot to say so I guess I’ll start by saying that I love you but you know this thing ain’t been no walk in the park for us. I swear it will only take like a minute I promise you’ll understand when I’m finish and I don’t want to see you cry but I don’t want to be the one who tells you  a lie so how do you let it go? When you just don’t know what is on the other side of the door when you’re walking out. And you see most of the time everything I try to remember to say always just goes out of my head so I’m going to do the best I can to make you understand. I’ve held on for a while now and there’s never a right time to say goodbye but I got to make the first move cause if I don’t you are going to start hating me but I still feel the way I once felt about you and it’s not you it’s me. I just kinda gotta figure out what I need and now I understand that we got to go our separate ways. It’s so hard but I got to do it and its killing me cause there is never a right time to say goodbye.

I should have stopped after you or maybe after the first one but then I was too much invested in burying my own pain and living on the edge of young wild and reckless. I remember there was that time 3am, my phone ring she begging  me to come by so bad and I was just right around the corner. I know I could’ve said no but I didn’t. Instead I said yes the minute she said don’t even knock ill leave the door unlocked for you. I should have listened to my intuition. She had a tank top on I took it off and I should’ve stopped but she ain’t let me, she kissed me soft and gently, damn she tempt me and right then I stopped thinking consequences but I guess I must have lost my mind for a minute and soon she became a gateway to a pattern:

I find myself telling her how beautiful she is anyway. ‘Cause it’s true, all women are, in one way or another. You know, there’s always something about every damn one of you, it’s a smile, a curve, a secret. You ladies really are the most amazing creatures, my life’s work. But then there is the morning after, a hangover and the realisation that I’m not quite as available as I thought I was the night before. And then she’s gone, and I’m haunted by yet another road not taken.

So just look at the damage that I’ve caused but girl you know that I love you and with them others that was mostly lust and a lifetime of bottled up rage and pure emotion. Shit shouldn’t have happened and I know that I messed up, one lie started this whole thing and now just look at the damage. The damage that I also caused you. I know I broke your heart, cause I did you wrong. Lost myself in a world unknown to me. Forgetting that hell got real for you the minute shit went sour. My selfishness caused this damage. It’s the dumbest decision that I made and I ain’t proud of, cause that meant that absolutely nothing you did caused me your love. I have to live with regret, deserve to get what you give, and now you won’t listen to nothing that I’m saying. Sometimes I rode passed your house for hours just to feel close to you. Sometimes go on ahead and pops some pills and portions just to get lost in memories of you but no cards, no gifts, no flowers could get me back with you. Your kiss, your touch girl, you know I’m missing. And to that effect I was trippin and dippin with these women in these streets just to find something exquisitely close to you.

Sometimes my heart is breaking and a thousand times I find myself asking why I’m I taking so long to say this? But trust me, girl I never meant to crash your world and I never thought I would see the day we grew apart. Losing you tore me apart way more than I expected and so I vented and I even gave a virgin the urge to rape me just for me to break her little heart cause as a matter of fact sometimes I just need some booty to get my shit in check. Stayed on this long road accumulating baggage and sometimes when he don’t do you good I was always going to do you better but turns out better the devil you knew than the angel you got to meet on a Friday night club drunk as hell. Always hitting clubs weekend to weekend venting and hoping I get my dick rubbed by some big booty women cause the life I portrayed was being a champagne pouring nigga loving me some big asses and tits. Oh how far I fell.

Popping up but never spending the night, knowingly tethering you to an emotionless being, and for all those I tore my apologies guess shit was deeper than you thought. At least I was always being polite never treating any of you with any bit of disrespect as far as my own knowledge is relevant. But I respect  those who knew what I was and outright what I got y’all needed a lot thus understanding that sometimes life in itself is already too much for extra feels. Sometimes I don’t remember y’all names but I remember how your pussy was like cause everybody know I’m always up to no good but can you blame me if I find every fucking single one of you fine pieces of art that I want to have to myself. So much underrated potential we have in our ladies.

For them I was mr.right to me they were just multiple miss tonights and sometimes, more often than not it wasn’t about finding the one but just the one that I desire and y’all can relate so don’t read this with any hate. Find a lady sitting at the back of a bus looking sweet enough to make a nigga need a fill in yet I get bored so fast that they won’t last but you see most of you just have my attention for a minute and then you lose me cause you all act like you deserve the world but very few can get there since your mind don’t match what your ass got and so look at the damage that I caused having a girl dump her boyfriend only for me to stand her up cause a fine damn thing in a little black dress just caught my attention. Mostly I’m occupied and y’all need time but that’s just something not worthy to provide if ur ass fat but ur mind blunt and ur personality more shitty than the last.

Get caught up in the damage then I get feels and so come here cause I’m about to take u higher cause we about to set this bitch on fire. Pour a lil gas, spark up your light. We all know looks kill and you definitely trynna make a killing and I know love is a gamble so u ain’t dealing with no broke nigga but I’m here lusting just like a thirsty nigga trynna bag a sister with a killer pussy. And now that I got some money I bet that head is going to be amazing. Yes chivalry is dead we ain’t gonna argue about it but u see its women  who killed it and if pussy was part of the stock exchange market then that stock be plummeting as hell every week cause ‘em ladies just giving it up too easy these days and it’s just disgracing. Some of this chics I haven’t seen since way back then when I thought you was just a cutie though your booty be a mad thing but now you went and got thick on a nigga and got me like goddamit hey now I got a thing for you and you have to understand it ain’t that serious cause I also got that THANG for you but only time will tell. Maybe just maybe cupid gonna shoot me down once and for all but till then I think I’m going to hang with you cause you see way back then I thought to fuck with you was impossible but some of you are already baby mama’s. Your body looking like a fucking pot of gold making me feel like u a lepricon and now you got that mean lil walk with the model pose. All up in this bitch slaying with your hair done and some designer clothes but I just hope your mind match what ur ass got.

Damn girl you are on a roll so don’t worry about your man. He don’t have to know but I get so bored so fast so they usually don’t last that’s why two of my exes are special cause it was like I met them in my favourite class. That ass got me hitting on you so fast but my life is like a movie I will only settle for a co-star. Maybe back then I had a lil boy crush on u before we grew up and my mind blew up with all these ideas that way I ain’t for sure if your love is really genuine. Is you my home girl? Show me what kind of friend you is, what if its phony and only too late for turning back so fuck it, we continuing, get that ass in position I’d love to bend you in. And so just like that I’ve caused all this carnage and brought y’all  this damage but to some extent it was only poetic justice cause I bet I was karma’s idea of what y’all deserved.