JUST A DREAM

​28/03/2016

It was true when I told you, you were the only reason why I don’t flip and go insane and then it became the cigarettes. All I tried to create after you was all sour, nothing seems to go as planned. You know me too well and I wished you didn’t lose me the more I changed, I hoped that you would just grow with me, if I went broke you would go broke with me, I smoke you smoke with me and for some time, however shot, I believed. I told you my biggest fears and you the only one who knows them so don’t you ever go and expose them. This life is harder than you’ll probably ever know and if you ever been from where I came from and seen what I have seen and done the things I have done you would understand my nature, the emotions I hardly ever show and you would understand that my mother hates how she raised me but she loves what she raised. I can’t just wait to give her that big fat cheque. Baby that ass was fat, there was no way to hide your frame, almost got a nigga insecure but it ended in shame and sometimes I wonder if u had the chance to do it again would we have picked a better ending? Thank God I found you and I have tried to forget you but all I have been doing is reminiscing about all the times we had together, remembering all the late late nights I used to call you. When that shit end it got ugly like really really ugly.

Your mama would have loved me, your lil siz hugs me ur dad pretty much enjoyed my company and u even got a few home girls that wanna fuck me. You had been staying in my crib, you gotta get about it cause if you laying in my bed, let’s admit it one time fucking and we no longer upset about it cause when this shit began it was all or nothing at all. You see you the type to kick my ass out of the house after I buy it and go ahead and tell me that you’re the pro and I aint shit. I hate talking about what’s private when we are not in private cause I never wanna say anything to fuck ur dignity up but since we invited everyone to the bedroom let’s take the covers off and talk about how you fucking I don’t what hiss fucking name is and you said you loved me and he is so lame I wish I knew before I took the rubber off. I used to see my future in your eyes like a crystal ball and now I’m just trying find myself through the lost and found. That diesel ass, half shmuck evil ass nigga who broke your heart so much you “hated” his guts and all. He shows up with that cold jama mama drama knowing very well you love the finer things in life and I wonder would it have cost u and arm to be patient. I have long accepted that I was stupid and I didn’t see that coming, I dropped my guard down and I paid the price. And maybe some of the blame is mine but then I thought you hated the nigga for breaking your heart but the bitter man won hands down and now all I got are all these memories faded with you, of me being faded with you.

Pointing fingers at ladies in my life making predictions of how I loved them and now I wonder do u still remember the accusations you made after seeing how the future is panned out.

Oh mama, we been through it all from the good to the bad, from the rise to the fall, you seen me at my best and seen me in my worst but you can’t say we didn’t try, we didn’t give each other time to grow. They said we wouldn’t last and now I know you gonna fuck up anything you touch but you don’t ask and I don’t tell, that’s where we both fell. I hope one day I can truly say I have moved on.

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