Kenya Will Soon Need A Big Sex Scandal

​This is a story written by sadly one of my favourite crazy Monday columnists Tom Males who portrays kenya as a lost nation with their hope laying in the hands of a rotten generation. It was posted on 25/01/2016.

A report was released last week showing Kenyan Youth are okay with getting rich through corruption, and adore successful beneficiaries of the vice. Clearly, if you had hopes that the so-called leaders of tomorrow will help the country eradicate graft, think again. The report was a confirmation that ours is a rotten society. Methinks the folks at the anti-corruption commission are grappling with matter beyond their depth. The fight against corruption around here is akin to winking at a girl at night and expecting a response.
Again, it’s not like youth are doing well on other aspects like academia and morality. Most cheat in exams and some are rotten. We have lost many to crime, drugs and all sorts of vices.


Among the many aspects of poor parenting that ail Kenya is over-pampering children. In the days gone by, kids were clobbered into proper men and women the moment they began crawling or speaking. Today, kids are so special that they for instance, are begged to eat. A rascal sulks or throws a tantrums because his food is not served at the right temperature or on his favourite plate. And when the brat eats, parents celebrate and even buy him or her gifts. We have taken the pampering game a notch higher so much that we now even throw parties for kids graduating from kindergaten or nursery school. The cheek of it!


Back in the day, our mothers, with the aid of an aunt or two would grab you and stick a cup of sugarless porridge in your screaming mouth. The more you kicked and wailed, the more porridge you gulped down! As this went on, you were subjected to some sort of mob justice _ sharp pinches, hard spanks,yells and all. For the record, we never drowned or died.

We now bring up kids like ‘grade’ chicken. Results? House-bound sissies with wanting creativity and critical thinking abilities resulting from lack the benefit of outdoor exploration. Freedom and culture shock hits them hard the first time they are exposed to the real world in campus and instantly turn wayward.

We hire house helps to help us pamper them by doing everything for them. We do homework for them, kiss and unnecessarily remind them that we love them. Of course, they become ‘grown babies’ who suck at relationships. They end up with bogus marriages, characterised with mediocrity. So much that when a marriage lasts a year, they throw a bash to celebrate the feat! Obviously they become shenzi parents and thieving workers. It’s crazy, children are so pampered nowadays that even mild germs would kill them. You pinch a neighbour’s wayward kid’s nose or ear, you get sued. If your neighbour’s kids are spoilt, you can go jump off a cliff all they care.

But even as I whine about youth today, are there Kenyans of any age, class and profession to write home about? Everyone seems  to be doing badly. Show me any that is doing well and I will show you a liar (you!).

When pastors are not fake they are randy. We have thieves and law breakers for cops. Crooks, crybabies, sycophants and puppets for leaders. Scoundrels, gangsters and weirdos for parents. Jokers for medics, some in-competent enough to ‘forget’ surgery paraphernelia in patients’ bellies or inject them to death. Of course, most of these ‘professionals’ were  taught by bogus teachers.


Today’s elders are fake as they come-devoid of wisdom. Even with the benefit  of experience and regularly fortifying their thinking faculties with snuff, they remain hollow. Doubting? What new saying, proverb or parable have they come up with? We are badly off in jobs and activities that require brain power, and only seem to thrive where muscle is the only qualification. But still, we are yet to produce a world-class wrestler or boxer.


Its doom and gloom allover. We lag behind even in mediocrity. Look at modern witchdoctors. Like never before, the art is now facing credibility crisis. Today, witchdoctors get heckled and taunted. One was almost lynched after he failed to resurrect a dead man in Mombasa recently. In Central Kenya, another one became the laugh stock after a thief stole his paraphernalia and got away with it – unheard of back in the day. Witchdoctors of yore were feared, respected and their antics never backfired or so we were meant to believe.

Today, night runners get caught and beaten. Men have become useless. They can’t manage one wife with two kids, yet polygamist of yore married five or more wives and made sure they peacefully coexist with armies of kids in one home. Harlots are no longer true to their calling. They now pickpocket clients. Pickpocketing is no more, industry player now have to, for instance, kill a granny to steal her sh10. Basically, we stink to heavens.

In a nutshell, everything and everyone around here is not worth writing home about. Doping allegations have tainted the image of our athletes. Our tea, coffee are taking a beating on the international market. Tourism is on its death bed. The economy is under threat. Nobody pays attention anymore to our mega corruption scandals.

Soon, all the aspects that define this nation will be dead and for the world to notice a country called Kenya exists, we might need a big, viral sex scandal, perhaps involving a sitting president with a minister or the wife of a prominent enemy.
By Tom Malesi.


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