Guess who’s back, the realest nigga in the room. I must apologise and by all means I am sorry for the wait but I have been through a lot of shit this year I guess more shit than a sperm deposited in the wrong hole. So I’m back with more sentimental real talk I guess what I’m about to spew will be some of the realest shit I ever wrote. I was listening to views from the 6 then I heard drakes song in particular these days…those kind of songs most people usually overlook cause it isn’t in the billboards but I guess it hit me; be it good or bad, after all its experience, make sure you grow and apply what you learn properly so I hope you enjoy this.
You see I’ve been out walking and I don’t really do too much talking these days cause all I seem to think about are the things that I forgot to do even though in real sense I have no regrets in my life since I am proud of the man I have become. These days, I sit at the end of my favourite couch and get lost in my playlists and it might just be sought of drug my mind needs. These days I sit back and sharpen my mind only on these books after all practice makes perfect and my pops told me to speak like a nigga with a college degree.
I’ve met some women and sometimes I wish I resisted and maybe I wouldn’t be as damaged as I am right now. These days, I just sit back and look from a far hoping that one day one time the realest woman will find me. You these days, the realest people I know are my demons after all they comfort me when noone else is around. Kushing and wondering why the fakest people claim to be the realest people.
These days, all I think about is the life I wish to make for my own cause one I will ultimately spawn my own and call them beautiful masterpieces of naked poetry. I haven’t stopped the dreaming and I still do so much scheming yet my only motivation is the coldest fear of being right here again next year, oh these days, I’m addicted to whatever numbs the pain and though they judge me I’m pretty much sure they all have their own little ways to regulate their own pains. All I’m saying is that these days I would rather seat at the reverie of the midnight blues just sipping on my vodka muse and chipping on my dunhill platoons and let my mind get lost in the beauty behind the struggle. These days I sit back and wonder if they my peers really know that there is beauty in the struggle?
These days I seem to think about how I’m so in tune with myself because I no longer try to change all of my ways since I have finally became the man I needed when I was young and I don’t need nobody else because I’m done trusting the very people who are always willing to pull the trigger and it’s funny how they usually are the people you would take a bullet for. To shoot and maim and at the end tell me they are the ones who are bleeding. These days, I trust myself too much and would you blame me if I told you they abonden me and the paths I chose got me the success I’m acclaimed. I sit back and wonder if I’m the only one who knows that the truth is that there is no truth when the society that tells you it’s okay to do you is the same society that gives conditions on how to do you and you wonder who knows you better than yourself. These days, I no longer follow blindly cause if you really examine what they call the truth was just one man’s opinion that makes sense in its own right so I just choose the path that makes most sense to me and I guess that is the price I have to pay for a free soul.
These days, I only value wisdom…the senseful application of knowledge cause if I was to depend on experience then I am left confused wondering if I should listen to the successful doctor who says it’s the best job or the successful doctor who wishes he did art.
Yes, I had a lover and I don t think I’d risk another and if at all I seem to be afraid just listen to the raw emotion I’ve poured it in all my posts. Oh damn, these days; I confide myself in my mental cocoon and enjoy a smoke as I count the stars and I just keep them to myself, oh damn I’m blessed. These days I wonder if I am the only one patiently waiting for my generation to take over and maybe then we might save ourselves from ourselves but then we are only called monsters of our time by the same people who created us aint that just so ironical.
These days, I don’t worry much for the people who meant the world to me and left me knee deep in shit when I needed them the most instead I sit back and try to mean the world to the people who need me now. These days, I simply wish to leave people better than I found them; to hug the hurt, kiss the broken, befriend the lost and love the lonely. All I seem to think about is how some of my peers still waste their lives going to fight for people in suits who are only out to fatten their ever greedy pockets.
These days, I no longer do too much drinking. I just roll myself into a ball at the edge of my head and let them tears fall so that none will ever know my heart is just as fragile. I mean I sit at the edge of a cliff and sing to my liquor store blues because only then is when I rebuild and rearrange my mental state and wake up with the will to fight and survive.
These days, I curse myself for being so faithful to someone so ungrateful; how stupid I was but can you blame a soul in love…a soul scorched by the fires of earth yet just trying to belong, so understand that my prerogative these days is just to hit and never commit. Well, these days I wake up every day and think more and more of the one that got away; Twinkle Nose. Does she still even think about me as much as I still do of her cause she was the only one who really stuck around after all went down. Still, I know I can’t go back till after I fix myself and I know she is no longer waiting for my shriveled self but for the record…I miss you more than you might ever know.
These days, I am so greatful to the women in my life because sometimes when I am more than lost I always remember I have my black widow, my cat woman, my muse and my little girl(shocked to how her kitty knows me more than I know myself) but most of all I know on some nights when I don’t feel like superman I still have Martha Kent on my side…MAMA I LOVE YOU, I still promise I will get us out of all this shit one day just guide me like you have done through the years and will be fine. I will have you know I don’t pray to God but when I do I ask him to give you as much time as He can so I can spend more time with you.
I have the realest niggas for friends and they help me grow every day. These days, I appreciate my day ones so much because I finally realised in this world no man who is an island will ever live up to their potential and I know I have too much potential. These days, I drink my coffee on the balcony of my friend’s house and ponder on how irony cements my stand on the world, so my friends appreciate me enough to christen me the modern day african philosopher who understands that if you still view the world like you did when you were young then you have wasted your life. I’m I the only one who realises they tell you to be proud of who you are and wait around the corner to call you egocentric, is being proud bad? After all they constantly remind me that pride comes before a fall well aint pride and confidence just bro and sis. Are they trying to tell me that most successful people aren’t proud of themselves or is that they just confuse being boastful and proud as one and the same thing or maybe I have to be successful first then become proud of who I am? If you reading this I want to tell you that you are wrong…so wrong.
These days, I live on the tyranny of people who think they know. How they were the ones who doubted me back then and want me to listen to them cause of experience and age. These days, I have nothing more to prove to anyone instead I am working for my dreams because I believe my purpose in life is to be better than average and by that I mean real. I simply understand that to try and please everyone is the quickest road to failure. I only plan ahead and do my business and when they ask me why it’s taking me so long I remind them that patience after all is a virtue ;I’m in no hurry cause all I wish to do is live once but live it right.
These days I only depend on myself for everything because I walk a lonely road, the only one I have ever known because I think to myself during that morning run why people are so naïve to confuse criticism with hating. I question the world that stands to blame a hoe for a child that takes two to make. I wonder why people aint confident enough to show their crooked smiles when all the society does is to judge them based on assumptions. I mean would you judge the drug dealer who only sells drugs to send his little brother to school or the woman prostituting cause she has mouths to feed. The society so quick to judge and expect sympathy when they also choose to survive cause they is no other way left to live. Why would u judge another, is it so hard to love each other without any boundaries or restrictions maybe you will have realised I’m down for whoever is down for me; be it my dog or my ex or maybe the man with no arms or the girl who has fucked more broads. These days I simply make the choices that noone else will make and after all I talk much game but is it wrong if I believe I can back it up. Yall forget there is a difference between self awareness and narcissim. Yall forget that at the mercy of a gun’s barrel we are all the same there are no gods among men and we are all men. In the eyes of death we are just too equal. These days, I wish they all knew that if given the chance to a second life I would hit repeat and do it all over again cause I may not be proud of the shit I might have done to get here but at the end of it all I am happy of who I have become and by far so damn comfortable with myself.
No such thing as a life that’s better than yours. ∞Jcole.