TEXTING ETIQUETTE

The world is digital now thanks to the epic likes of Steve Jobs and the master himself who according to me is the richest man alive, Bill Gates. These men stretch through the history of mankind and so much has been made from calculators to vibrators not forgetting the likes of computers and mobile phones. Mobile phones, hold on right there. The mobile phone, arguably amongst the most legendry inventions on the face of the planet together with sex and bread. It goes without saying that with cell-phones came texting and thus texting is just an improvision of language made simple to the human eyes but rather it’s a simplification way of sending messages between two people or at lest animals of a particular species that should make sense. Texting brings forth an easy way to make convo between any two people but do we all really respect this.

It is easy to sit down with anyone in the world and talk about anything and you wish becomes so easy for any of you to just pick a topic and speak the shit out of it and strip it out like meat and bones. With upcoming generations the standards of texting have gone so far down with no respect at all for the confines of grammar or rather sense and in more ways than one respect for the person you are communicating to. Yes with time comes change and evolution but hell will we sit down and allow for pompus children to go to school get A’s in English so that they can come back to right xaxa’s and xawa’s as language. There is nothing wrong with short forms like lol and writing u instead of you but why go so far down you want to write something only you can decipher and even the people in your own generation cant make sense of anything you type but what do I know after all you are YOLO-ing.

I am mad, angry and frustrated by children who have no respect for the language that is a lingua-franca all over the world and in all honesty if job interviews were to rely on texting styles and trends then it’s quite unsettling that we are harboring jobless teenagers. You tend to wonder how such methods came up and we all went through the same system and the guys from my class considering people who failed in English write understandable texts but no ‘everybody is doing it’. Just last week some Ugandans text me and I keep asking them what are you writing and he repeats the same bullcrap in capital letters as if I asked for a change in case. I asked them politely if English was part of their curriculum and they said yes then politely further requested them to simply type English and I will relate but our so called tomorrow’s future leaders further decide to call me a fake nigga for wanting to communicate in english and further insult my morals by thinking they would go toe to toe with the master in perverbial disses. I schooled them of course.

What is a simple courtesy? How hard would it be to just type beautiful than btful for all I know that would mean butt-full; code for full of shit. Etiquette is what defines morals and I have turned down hot girls all for simple lack of texting etiquette, effort or resolve. Girls who have million dollar faces but text like impregnated apes on a Monday afternoon. If you can’t write something I understand then you tell me ‘naringa’ because I tell you I don’t understand you and would prefer to only speak with you face to face but it’s okay go find a mindless better-half who writes the same shit maybe you will make retarded love while you are at it. Its english, kiswahili and national sheng how hard can that really be. It’s a disease way worse than cancer and I have started a national campaign against it from now on hence forth if I don’t understand you I aint replying to that text unless you are at the back of a speeding bus in the middle of Moyale giving birth to quadruplets otherwise to hell with you and your sorry ass language.

To be fair though texting etiquette has also been abused by the fairer class of my generation and the ones above me. And people who also tend to insult it are human beings I consider to have common sense and are of well backgrounds hence they are assumed to be mannered and disciplined but shock is on me. People I consider friends who end up breaking texting rules (YES! Texting rules exist and if you didn’t know then you are less of a human being you were than when you started reading this) and when you give them a taste of their own medicine then they are all up in your business saying you don’t like them or you snob them.

First of all, if you find yourself writing one word replies time and time again then you disgust me and any other texter you have ever texted and people you text are not the problem, you are. How the hell does one write three sentences and all you can manage to write back is yeah, lol and sawa. If you have someone who still texts you weeks after they find out you are that poor ass texter then either they want something from you which most probably is sex.

Second, if I text you and you are always online then reply six hours later, you have a special section in hell called firey pits of texting offenders. You will roast in the fire of impunity and dine with the devil himself in hell’s kitchen. Texting is like a conversation, when we are talking face to face and you reply to my statements hours later you will find me gone in bed sleeping as I enjoy a glass of cold juice and you will be in the box of people I cant relate to. And when someone you once had a perfect texting chemistry with begins avoiding you don’t blame them cause they cant control boredom and your texting happens to bore them to death. The worst part is that they don’t open the text so that you think they are busty if you simply don’t want to reply just open and wish me a good day any sensible human being will accept that rather than stay online not open my text then later you tell me you were busy. Manners maketh man and you are lesser a man(as a collective name for both genders) if you lack texting etiquette.

Finally, the biggest texting sin is being a boring texter. This I usually find in women and in all respect I believe women are beautiful and I am up for women empowerment any day of the week but some of you in fact most of you are so boring when it comes to texting I wonder what happened to the long conversations we had during luncheons. It is simple whatever u say to someone in ur day to day life u replicate it on text. You guys have this mysterious notion that men are should always make conversations lively and I cherish the few women who don’t have such mental nude thoughts with no basis. Who said that it is our jobs to always make and keep a conversation entertained like we have to bring topic after topic. One sided conversations are boring similar to the confines of a parent talking to a son about sex but he has nothing to say but sawa and yeah…different context but same implications. I have never ever been a boring texter in life or any other life I have had before this but some women are so boring they turn you into boring texters but thank God for women who know how to make men laugh.

If you are a disgusting texter then simply change your ways. If you have no texting etiquette then practice makes perfect. I am not saying that you will text everyone awesomely but if you don’t have five people who you have lengthy texting convos and you never just give useless replies that make it a monologue. Texting is never a one way traffic unless you are one person in love hence blinder than a bat. Changer your texting ways otherwise as per moi I have kicked impunity out of any of my inboxes or is it direct messages from any social network.

‘Pamoja tuangamize ujinga’

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