Intoxicated; this is when I think of you the most. Faded beyond disbelief, shot after shot with no compromise trying to keep myself balanced between the realm of sober and drunk. Maintaining my own self in this state until I feel there is nothing else I can do because I want this feeling to last since I’m real to myself. Confused as to what this is and what it isn’t and I am never blowing things out of proportion and so I won’t start now. If I tell you, I hate you I don’t mean it and in my kind of situation I try not to think of you, trying not to break the rules. Why does it always happen when I get this way and so I badly want to drunk text you but fortunately I can stop myself.
Intoxicated; that is when I think of u the most and I put my pride aside. I am up till 3am thinking about you and if I’m thinking about you and you are next to someone right now then I hope it’s the worst sex ever. If you push me too hard then I will be gone for good but I can’t leave cause you have my undying loyalty but that’s all I can offer and I don’t have anything else to give. I don’t need you, I never do but I want you so badly it kills me and then and only then does my want become my need then you become a necessity but if I tell you this you will only twist and encroach me and I hope it doesn’t go to your head.
I am bleeding in your silence but I only feel safer in your violence. Very confused in all this vitality. As much as I mess up must everything you do make me want to smile but I hate it. I hate you but then I like you but still go fuck yourself (smirk). You know exactly what to do so I can’t stay mad at you for too long that’s wrong. I despise that I adore you and sometimes you behave like you the fucking empress of my world then I have to remind you I control the board but just cause it is you and I only see this ending in me hurting you I relax and just smile hoping my hopeless demented self doesn’t crop you out of this picture. I hope the enigma that is I, doesn’t fuck this up but I still pray that my patience will always be static. I leave it up to you I will always do so never will I make a decision on how this is supposed to be or how things are cause that is only your work and I would suck at it.
Don’t get mad yet. I still have another five or ten paragraphs to write. I can’t stand how much I need you. One of these days, maybe your magic won’t affect me and your kiss won’t make me faded. Intoxicated; this is when I think of u the most. I am intoxicated of your fragrance and trust me I don’t like it at all but no one in this world knows me the way you know me so you’ll probably always have a spell on me. I don’t think they know the truth, how could they know the truth about us. They don’t know shit and they won’t even come close to understand what it is but even if we took our time to explain ourselves they still won’t get it. This ain’t love and it is so clear to see and I never get jealous even when you are ranting about him and him then them and I just smile hoping you end up finding someone who gives you the world but you won’t get rid of me so easily; I am like that pimple on the cheek that won’t let you have a perfect face and my irritating self is deeply lodged into your foot and I ain’t budging. They don’t know about us, yet they are going to talk about it; going try to change your mind about it, telling you things you don’t want to hear but we good.
I feel your fever from miles around but when she touches me I’m wishing that they were your hands and if they found out what is going on then I would be screwed but I can’t keep you all to myself cause you are a free bird but also cause if I do I will totally spoil you but I can’t keep up with your lifestyle and like every other toy you will get bored of me but cause I’m still fun I hope you keep me in a glass framed box somewhere and break the glass whenever you feel there is an emergency. Have fun and enjoy yourself I promise I will keep up as for long as I can manage cause forever is truly a long time and I will never fuck your high but I promise to tell you the truth even if it hurts you but not always. Between you and me exist lies that bind.
I am so faded I don’t think I know what I am spewing right now but if in any way it is vaguely insulting then it serves you right but I am all sentimental so sorry but that is only as far as sorry stretches for me(smirk). The path that stays ahead looks fun in fact so much so it seems dangerous and I am not the typical guy to go on this roller coaster ride with you though I promise I will be here if u need me. If u don’t then tell me as quick as possible cause I am not in the habit to waste my time working on friendship foundations that may not stretch as far as they are supposed to but isn’t everything already cool as it is post to be. I will take care of you to the best of my ability treating you like a gem hopefully with the aim that I stay relevant in your life and so I will protect you if you want me to cause the world is a bad place.
I know I am with her and you with him and I couldn’t ask us to forget about them but then do not forget that you my ride or die or is it die or ride probably ride to die so me without you from now hence forth may never make sense and I should have told you this a long time ago; this ain’t love and its clear to see but if you stay true to me I will be yours for all days no matter how many times you bash my skull in. Cheer up every single time we have that special something something and when we just chilling doing stories having fun cause we live for the moment. All these guys will come and go some you will love some you will like and most of them will be way better than what you see in me but difference is at the end of it all I will still be the same guy who makes the equation a simple constant. I hate you, don’t take me wrong; hate is as simple and strong an emotion is as love but I hate you for all the right reasons and they are reasons that stand. I hate the way you can twist me into anything you want. I hate that I trust you. I hate that I take my time to think about you. I hate what we have but I enjoy hating it even if sometimes you are an ass and I am a douche bag at the end of the road there is nothing but pain and suffering and awesome times. For now, I will push myself away into my cocoon and seal myself into that coffin till you need me and I will go back to the way things were before the intimacy.
I apologize that sometimes I treat you like shit and it is never ever fair but life is never fair and if it were fair it would be boring so I hate that I like you. Shockingly enough under all this scars, bullcrap, pain, anguish, rage and intensity I have a heart; it may not be a complete entity and it is completely worn out from all the drama in my life. It looks ragged and all stitched and glued up but I still have one so be careful when you stepping on my toes to be gentle sometimes. I am never impulsive and everything I do always has a motive behind it but I guess you figured that out a long time ago.
I need you from Sunday to Sunday, DEUCES.
Cheers to wingman adventures.