(It is with great sorrow that I have to announce that this is the season finale to the will-Val saga and it is quite unfortunate. I am so shocked to have found out that this fairy tale had ended up being a fan favorite not only to the women but also to the men and with this I would love to say thank you very much. I am not writing this as a way to get her back neither I’m I writing it so as to explain myself and in no way I’m I writing this to get her to miss me. This is me leaning back smiling taking a couple of cold ones and letting my heart speak out. This is just baba mboga being sentimental, emotional and outright baba mboga. Why not open a cold one and enjoy and if it should end up hurting anyone then please feel free to accept my early apologies. This is just an uncontrollable flow of thoughts and to be honest I don’t even know how I will start and how I will finish but let me see.)
Today I woke up and unlike those other days that I have been feeling rather distraught or unusually unhappy I just felt fulfilled and my normal usual happy self. Well somewhere in the week I did try to explain to the fair maiden again that I did not do what they all say I did and through the help of my two friends who are very much love birds themselves i.e eddu and lola but it went south and she told me that we should move on. Not to worry she was very gentle and I am quite sure no matter what I tell her there was nothing that was going to change about it; she was already so far down the rabbit hole and all I can do is be patient.
Having the cherished opportunity to be someone’s sweetheart, I had the chance to view and observe and research on her characters and I would like to make it known that this girl is not your ordinary Mary, Jane nor Sharon. Nope, she is that girl that walks in your life just once in a lifetime and anyone who would have been graced by her grace should take the chance to be thankful and those who end up being in love should keep her but unfortunately reality is guys will be guys. For one she secretly lives by the motto I sacrifice. She is intuitive, victimized more often than not, uncanningly moody, very mature, loving, sensitive, quite the sentimental bitch (smirk), spiritual and completely idealistic. Allow me to add a touch of perfection as I say that she is quite the rosemary.
She has feeling and empathy making her very compassionate and an unconditionally loving person. She will offer assistance to anyone suffering thus making her the ultimate Madre Teresa of our times as she will never ask anything in return. It is a habit for her to care and as much as she gets screwed over she never changes as apparently it is second nature for her. People look to her when they feel they need to offload their problems. Unfortunately, with her sensitive nature more often than not she will avoid making hard decisions at times especially if she feels it will undermine someone else no matter who the person is. She will do anything to help close friends and family but she will forget about herself and her needs, which make her very selfish to herself. She is a very intuitive person; she doesn’t always like to think about her problems but rather invoke on her sixth sense and gut feelings and go with those gut based decisions. As much as she will ask for help she will not be swayed no matter how much sense is being made she will still go with her gut feeling and this might be a fifty fifty good or bad thing. Her spidey sense although is 90% accurate.
She is a day dreamer and fantasy is her own island of solitude. Nevertheless, her instincts are powerful and more often than not correct and her ability to see things before they happen is quite uncanny. She is an art person especially in terms of expressive art that involves words, music or pictures. Her taste is quite outstanding that portrays a bit of fancy with a dash of classy. She apparently is a very emotional person and needs the support of people to allow herself to express herself but sometimes she is so hypersensitive that it works against her and she ends up absorbing the negativity of people around her. Though it is quite good to help, she should not let others drag her down into their world of bad feelings. She works best alone and thus she believes that she can survive on her own hence it will always be her against the world. (Funny how some things never change) She is idealistic about how she sees the world though the world and its faults totally fail her but she should learn to accept the world as it is rather than waste so much time on fighting to change how it already is. She seeks perfection and only expects as much from anybody the same way she expects a lot from herself thus her relationship will always be a two-way traffic she will be true to her love only if he is true to her.
She is gentle, impressionate and receptive. She tries to hide just how sensitive she is and if someone insults her and her principles she will tend to suppress these feelings and can become very depressed her actions will by far betray her punitive words of she is okay. She mustn’t be afraid to speak up even if she does upset or anger someone by doing it, she by far deserves some peace and justice from the world and everybody that is in it. She enjoys her own company and is quite satisfied to potter around in a quiet way and enjoys what nature and life have to offer her. She is equally comfortable in a social environment. Her fate is primarily connected to wisdom, self-knowledge and compassionate service to the world but she must be free to live her life on these terms and only then will she be self secure.
Very loyal and stands out as among the most loyal people I have met, in fact she is so loyal she takes the crown in my list okay maybe she might come second after my dog and myself. Because she is an observer of human nature she is philosophical and realizes that nothing lasts forever, if, for example, in relationships she has to let go of someone, then so be it. She understands that all great and good things must pass.
(At this point we must take a break and drink water for I am about to write approximately 2000 more words which are instinctive picture of what my conscience feels all related to the relationship that was.)
(Well, after an afternoon drive, an exciting football match, listening to some fine jams and enjoying conversations with some of my realest niggas I have finally come back to finish this which is by far the hardest and easiest piece of work I have ever had to write)
I won’t lie to anyone about the fact that I am as quite miserable as the next man who ends up being screwed from a multi-million dollar deal. In fact, I feel like a man on the ledge and I am so bugged that I would not expect anyone to push me but most of all I would like to say that I am and was quite mad, disappointed and hurt by her after I woke up in a new year. Mad at the fact that she could have chose to tell me what was bugging her all those times I asked her but she was ready to brush it off or give any excuse possible. When it all started out I was first told that I was being overly possessive with her, then later I became somehow controlling and when she saw that I had not taken that bait she later went on to bring up the insensitive remarks which by far were outstandingly blown out of proportion. Then after that failed miserably came the I lied to someone else bull crap which was by far vaguely insulting but truth is me and everybody else completely agree on the fact that she believes that I went beyond my jurisdiction and sorted out to have a sexual encounter with someone I innocently thought was her friend. Disappointed at the fact that despite all that sacrifice and all those happy moments it all came down at her believing everybody else and me never getting the benefit of doubt.”Aulize kiatu” (Swahili for ask my shoes). Disappointed that my word was overly underrated and despite me remembering asking her about shit I heard about her, mine was completely thrown to the gutter and shit that stung with comparison to hot iron on my skin. Disappointed that how you would dedicate a whole 80% of your time to seeing someone with respect to her wishes and even seat back and adore then she would believe you would outstandingly sit down and go on to diminish her. Hurt that there was not even a compromise, at how it all started as we against the world and ended up to me dropping my e and go-ing. Hurt that all it took to bring down this titanic of a relationship was one word from a friend a couple of fabricated lies and the outstanding support of her friends (I have nothing against them at all). Hurt that there were never enough happy moments to guarantee me an easy way in working it out; sounds insanely painful right? In truth, it is actually very funny.
I can make her a believer if I turned all the nonsense down. I keep all my secrets in a safe house and the devil is tempting me to spew them in bid of revenge so that I can say I took all of them down with me. All those pretenders but come to think of it, it is not worth it as she already sorts to substitute love for a better dream. Besides all harm was already done and I believe fate will balance it out for me in the near future. Unfortunately there can only be one of her which is unjustingly justice but who I’m I to make another her but if I had a wishing well I bet she would be somewhere at school having deep thoughts of how life is good and she would text me like we didn’t just come from the deepest valley of all times. If I knew better, I would do better. I don’t even know why I try so hard cause she doesn’t even want this no more and I would rather leave before I hurt her. I am not writing this so that she can one day read it and think to herself she might have judged the situation wrongly and miss me okay maybe I am but I am also writing this cause I trust my gut and though my mind says wrong move my gut is shouting just write this shit, let her know how it is and live life.
I cannot basically do anything right now that would even guarantee me an intimate audience with her which would by far go my way cause for now that ship has well sailed like black sails and a pirate flag completely made from the scraps of the so thing that I call a heart now. I saw her starting to hate me; I saw it on her face in white and blue maybe with some green yellow red and a bit of purple. Home don’t feel like home just like the way my heart is empty. And her girls think I ain’t shit yet they be the one lost in love and it is just basic because I am the guy who lost at love. I am not so proud not to beg cause I know I would kneel and ask her…
She was sweet like honey do. Kissing her was sweeter than icecream on a honey comb. I liked it when she came around and it was just me and her. Her fragrance turned me on faster than anything I knew okay maybe her eyes did better. Her skin so soft, I just want to hold her all night and day. I think about her all night day and even now I still do and pretty much that’s what makes me hold on the same way a drowning man would. You see I am lost in her love and I even fall hard for the games she played and to be honest I thought that this was some scam and she was just playing hard to get but I guess cupid swindled and screwed me over. She was my only one and she knew that but how it all was corrupted was flabbergasting, it seems like one of those major Houdini stage acts. Probably when the time is right, if I will still feel the same way I do right now and she will be single, I will try again hoping that God sees it through but I won’t argue with what fate decides for me maybe I had to lose to gain, I don’t know but life works in mysterious ways.
When she is with me I just can’t explain it, it is different. She is the kinda girl who could get a podium if there was to be a museum about my life. The kinda girl who would ask ten thousand from my account and I would give her no questions asked. To be honest I will be damned if I love again cause for one I don’t want to and secondly I don’t see me forgetting this for a very loooooong long time so if u ask me she is quite irreplaceable quite indeed collectible. It’s a pity that a few stolen moments, a couple of pictures and screenshots were all that we shared. Unfortunately I am here all alone since I didn’t want to leave and I wish there was a way I could make her understand but if I die before I do then it is safe for people to say that my heart gave out but don’t u worry I am not the sucker to pull a quick suicide make over on my own self naah ah…that aint the way I role; I would rather live for something than die for nothing.
I never thought I would be in love like this as if my whole existence depended on it and when I think of her my mind goes on a trip. I never thought that I could fall for her so hard like I did and she had me thinking of the future like I was some retarded soap actor but sometimes love comes back around and it knocks you down and literally bites you in the back but till we get it right we will have to get lost between now and somewhere called infinity. Thinking about her and my heart beats in slow motion knowing that its and over I quite don’t see any point in being sober. All I want now is to stay faded and I hope God forgives me because I know she won’t miss me and so I won’t say my goodbyes hoping she does shed a tear for me (smirk). She will love another man and I will know this cause for an apparent reason I just will and I will break into two call that a heart-quake. She means more to me than anything and all I want is to see her happy and knowing that she is so comfortable with all this I think I am losing my mind but everyday it is quite hard for me to maintain my sanity when vanity is all gone with the wind.
It is crazy to think we were so inseparable but it is funny how things change with time and if kisses would take away her pain then I would kiss her to a comma and again if I had a wishing well then I bet I would have her here. But if this is truly the end of us then I guess I will see you around. I’m missing her kisses and I wish I could keep her all to myself; I want to work it out but she moved on. I see it now so I guess I will see her around but I am building a bridge behind me as I leave; don’t be gone for too long whose gonna love me when u are gone(smiling ear to ear). All I have now is the pain u been feeling and in my current situation I try not to think of her but how it always happen; I just can’t stop myself and I can’t block her either way and I don’t even want to fight so if her mini self wants to lodge itself in my mind it is welcomed but I will build that wall, brick by boring brick, cause it is just one of those misery businesses.
For the last time I take pride in saying that we were never meant to be but we just happened but I will let this moment pass, this is so tragic cause we had it we were magic and now I am mad real mad.
My dear readers,
There is something about a woman who wants you but don’t need you. I can’t figure it out but that is exactly the kinda girl I need. She has her own thing and that is why I like her but if she walked to me and told me to write her a full book I would never mince my words neither repeat a single description. In fact I would probably write her a 1000 paged manual. One of a kind. Probably I would also write a book with no end cause only then will she understand it is a limitless possibility. She takes anything and makes it everything and has that diabolic way to turn anything said against you; a cute villain. She knows she is fly but she shouldn’t get her hair caught up in the propeller and I be trying to tell her this people are jealous and I be out shouting “there is no woman like the one I got” but she is now worried about the one I ‘fucked’ and just to keep me from crying I laugh. I won’t text her but I will be kept updated once in three months of her well being and I will wish her happy birthday every year and from time to time my statuses will about her but I won’t stalk her neither will I text her; I just don’t cut off a limb because it doesn’t want to work in synch with my body nah ah call it stalker I call it humanity.
My dear her,
I didn’t ask about you and they told me things and my mind didn’t change and I can’t say it was justice that the same thing happened and I got cleared out of Val airlines faster than a ton of shit; I still feel the same, what is a life without fun. They won’t treat or get you like I will and in your own words I treated you like a gem. My only wish is I die real so the truth hurts and lies heal and you can’t sleep thinking I lied still so u cry still but big girls don’t show do they. Pushing me away so I give you space dealing with a heart I didn’t really break. I will be there for you, I will care for you; I keep thinking u just don’t know. You think you did what was best and nobody can blame you and if that is what this has to be defined with then so be it. Trying to run from that saying you done with that and that if you come back it will bite you in the back like I am some demented and twisted cannibal with no self respect towards women and what they stand for, but all on your face and from all of your friends u just finding it easier to believe what it is than what it really is. When u are ready just say u are ready; when all the pain and baggage isn’t just as heavy and neither as believable. Now the party is over, awesome and surreal it was but you know me, we can always just change the pace. You will never have to worry since you will never have to know my pain but you will judge me for all my mistakes and all my ‘mistakes’. If you let me, here is what I will do, this is what I will do; I will take care of you. Soon it will be the season of my fly days, so soon I can get high if I want to and I can’t deny that I want you but I will lie if I have to and you don’t say that you love me even when your friends ask of you but we both know that you do. I want to believe that you are following your heart and gut but sometimes your mind will control you and what you do. We all have our nights though don’t be so ashamed, cause there are days you will sit down and think about it all; just know I have had mine as much. You hate being alone and you also love it but you ain’t the only one. You hate the fact that you bought the dream and I sold you one, you love your friends but some of them should have told you something to have saved it all but they were all busy misjudging me and making assumptions on how I am the scum of the earth. A waste of space. Maybe they were being friends but to be honest they built the coffin, put me in it and covered it then they gave you the hammer to hit the last nail in place. Crucified for my beliefs sounds like I was a martyr of love but as always I will fight for what I believe in even if I am just one man. All this ordeal is so scary and you think you lost a lot but I don’t see it you look at me all my dignity and years work of building a character warming to everybody gone to the grave with a simple hulla balloo.
My addiction and obsession you have been called. Maybe…maybe not.
I know you have been hurt so many times; I know from how you carry yourself but if you let me I will take care of you. I have loved and lost but my conscience is as clear as glass and if this was a case in the court of law I would be my own lawyer and I would win hands down.
We both loved, we lost, and now we are scarred.
I miss you but I guess I will see you around.