THE BLACKLIST!

To be honest living life on earth is as much sweet as it is sour but after spending two decades on this mother-load of obscurity I have come to hate some things for apparently it seems that life would be quite better if they were eliminated or regulated to a standard. When I say hate, I mean it with every letter to the point I feel they should be wiped clean from the face of the earth. Like if I was master of this world, some war-lord who is all powerful with the snap of my fingers I would have them way forgotten. They would not in any way be a part of this system. Generations to come would not have to suffer as we have suffered. Since it is quite impossible for this to happen then I suppose I will just have to settle it the old way.

(This is the part you ask what old way.)

(How do I intend to achieve this.)

(Yes, how?)

(Aaaaah! Peasant! The answer is bounties.)

Bounties are the only way I can get all these things eliminated from our gracious planet. Where to start? Oh where, oh where could I start? Let me see…oh yes…The Bitch that is Karma.

Karma is just one messed up person. She is the mother of all sadistic people. She is a pure sadomasochistic woman. How the hell do you dedicate your whole millennium of existence in a planet on screwing people of everything. What hasn’t this bitch done? I mean, everything that goes completely wrong has Karma written all over it. In fact of all things I swear by all means I could just stab you myself like put you down take the world’s most scrutiating torture methods and smoke your sorry ass to oblivion then to stardom but you see I’m a smart cautious mad man. You have screwed me enough times, so there is no way I’m coming after you solo…nah-ah…not this guy, cause if I’m successful and it don’t work can anyone imagine the kind of suffering she gives millions of people all concentrated on one person. So for you, 1 trillion to the person who brings her head on a silver platter.

Cupid is my next name on this blacklist. To think of it, you are not such a bad Nigga, right? All you do is go around wearing diapers with a cute bow and arrow spreading love everywhere you go, but Nigga you have efd up so many times I don’t even know how we survive. You remember Nancy, don’t you, I mean how would you forget the thing you screwed up so fast. Me and her were best of friends which later turned into no strings attached until you came up and injected her with an endless dose of love potion and she left cause I still wanted friends with benefits. Therefore, you see you went putting your nose in my business and you screwed up a beautiful friendship. You usually pick the wrong times to give us love and sometimes you don’t even ask us. Some of us are some cold-ass motherf***ers till you come around with all them machetes, machine guns, samurai swords, num-chucks and shit. For that your bounty is 1 billion but I need this Nigga alive, he might be useful cause I know I want either Kourtney Kardashian or Mila Kunis to love this ‘baba’ who sells ‘mboga’.

How would I even dare to forget the devil in my list? Nigga don’t even talk to me. You are the reason why over three quarter the world’s population might going to hell. You just had to screw up. I’m sure my papi, God, was going to allow good with a little bit of bad ass cause he roll like that but then you with your useless piece of ass decide to ef it all up with your other minions called vanity, pestilence, death and war. Nigga what is wrong with you. If you wanted to go to hell, you should have taken your own self there not dragging half of humanity with you. If you did not wanna be lonely God could have whooped you up one hot she-devil from one of your ribs or maybe he could have granted you some visiting privileges. For this stupid selfish act of cruelty Nigga you worth 500 million.

In addition to the scandal that was the ‘Garden of Eden’ Adam just had to listen to Eve. I personally got nothing on Eve, we all know she put sex on the table and that clouded Adam’s judgment. Adam if she made you do things using the mysterious power that is seduction then just run niggah…RUN! I wouldn’t have had a problem with chilling nude all my life; you know how many people I would have seen naked #evil-smirk, but noooooo you are Adam. Eve was your better half, you just had to eat the apple hmm the forbidden fruit and look where it got you. Now because of you, we have to work to eat and women keep complaining and wanting to kill us for getting them pregnant. 100 million for him dead and in mint condition; collector’s item.

Moreover, to add to the list is education. To be honest yet again I have nothing much against you. You are a continuous life-long process making us better people but Nigga wouldn’t have you thought to be spontaneous or better yet inscribed details in all our minds so as to make life easy. Going to school from when I was three till now with the discrepancies that breach the contract such as syllabus coverage, teachers who are usually pure boring and then the examinations…don’t even get me started on that mind-numbing stuff but I’m okay cause I know with you it will be me, her and all my millions. For this Nigga how about 10 million to whomever brings him to me dead or alive.

Then comes age. Man I swear I never knew you could stab a brother in the back like that. I mean you pop up in my life from day one. Then with your superb awesomeness as time, goes by you make me wise. I can walk so that I can quench my thirst for exploration at such a tender age then I can talk so I can feel joy into them with my cute boo boo language call it baby talk or when I want that toy they will understand I truly want that toy. We became best of buds, u take me to school and again I become more mature till I get freedom and stability to make my own decisions; doing things without much permission cause I like it like that… I party hard, finish school then I get to enjoy life with all my millions. Then you make me too old all of a sudden where I am confined and can’t do all the things I used to while I was young. Why sneak up on a brother just like that huuh. Nigga that ain’t cool you know. You f***ing up my high man which is totally against the penal bro code. 1 million for his head on a pike.

The monster of monsters; poverty. Bloody hell we made money then out of nowhere like some British dictator you come and start deciding on how money should be divided amongst ourselves. That is just wrong. We didn’t ask for any money regulator but like the cold, you just creep in when you are least invited at times when money is truly needed most but you just don’t care. It is only fair that man shares money equally or you take it all not that one person drives a custom made Cadillac where as there is some poor guy somewhere who don’t even know the meaning of food or home. At least if u were going to do your job then at least have the decency to do it right. So for your unfair nature whoever destroys you and wipes you off the face of the earth I offer a lifetime supply of money ( 10 million per year).

The blacklist is quite long so I will just list a couple of them down:

  • HIV/AIDS – 1 billion.
  • Cancer – 1 billion.
  • Stupidity- 10 million
  • Immatrurity – 50 million
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